9 Pillars Of A Healthy Romantic Relationship

What is a healthy romantic relationship? Does it exist in this world of selfishness and betrayal?

In this modern world of dating and relationships, it is tough to find a life partner with whom you can spend the rest of your life. As the world has evolved, the ways of relationships have changed.

Nowadays, relationships have become like some games people play to satisfy their temporary cravings and needs for closeness. And if a thing or two don’t work, the people involved in a relationship simply go separate ways without even giving a damn about each other. They don’t even give each other a chance to understand and salvage their relationship.

I totally agree that if either of the individuals involved in a relationship is toxic and takes the relationship or the feelings of the other for granted, it’s always best to walk away from such a person.

The ultimate purpose of any human life is to be happy within oneself and with the people in one’s life. And sometimes, if the people in your life are the kind of people who never appreciate your love, honesty, loyalty, and care for them, and on top of that, they always try to belittle you and find faults and wrong in you, then it is better to steer clear of such people and be on your own alone.

But again, we live in this material world, where we are always in need of someone to lean on. Not everyone has the ability or propensity to live alone on their own throughout life.

A guy needs a girl, and a girl needs a guy. It is nature’s way, right from Adam and Eve’s time. No matter how hard you try to live alone, you are always in need of that emotional and physical support from the opposite sex.

Now, this emotional support involves everything from love and trust to care and understanding. And physical support involves intimacy which in turn involves sexual intimacy and closeness of being together, touching, and being touched by each other.

They say true love is above and beyond everything. However, whenever there are two hearts involved in each other, the expectations are bound to be there. It is quite natural to have expectations from your romantic partner because he/she is the closest to you in the world.

At the same time, it’s very important to understand that if you expect your partner to behave with you in a certain way, then you should be able to behave in the way your partner expects you to behave with him/her. It’s not slavery or robbing you of your freedom, it’s just how the human connection works, especially the connection between lovers. When you give love, you’ll be loved in return. When you give respect, you’ll get respect in return.

If you are a believer, you’ll know that even God expects us (his worshipers) to behave in certain ways, such as not to hurt anyone, not to hate anyone, not to steal from anyone, and always walk on the path of goodness, etc. These expectations of God from us actually make our lives of good standards and merits. Don’t you think? On the other hand, the worshiper prays to God for protection and guidance, which is his or her way of expecting from God. So, the point is that expectations are bound to be there even in the truest of the true forms of love.

 Again, these expectations should only be the emotional ones, including care and love, and the physical or sexual ones bringing comfort and ease to one another. Everything in a romantic relationship should bring joy to the two people involved. If there is any monetary expectation or a concealed intention to gain something from a romantic relationship, then it is better not to call it love. It is something worthless in the eyes of love.

When we talk about a romantic relationship, a relationship of love between a guy and woman/girl, it’s where the most delicate things are involved which are called ‘hearts’, and not just hearts, but ‘the hearts beating for one another, and this delicate matter of hearts should always be handled with extra care. There’s no room for slackness in it.

In this modern world, there is so much temptation out there. A girl/woman is surrounded by several guys, and a guy is surrounded by several girls and women at their workplaces, colleges, and neighborhoods. Even when a particular girl and guy already in a romantic relationship have a strong connection, such temptations surrounding them can rattle their strong bond just like that. And then one or the other ends up getting hurt pretty badly.

Of course, time heals every hurt and wound, but the relationship, which once had a chance and full potential of becoming a great, long-lasting relationship, is ruined forever. Then, it’s really difficult to trust and love someone else again with the same intensity, if your heart has been broken badly. It can cause more and more pain. So, it’s better to base your relationship on some fundamentals when you realize that ‘He is my Mr. Right’ or ‘She is my Mrs. Right’.

Of course, to have this realization, you and your partner need to spend a lot of time together. I mean not always physically, but emotionally.

Fortunately, we live in this modern world of smartphones and the Internet, where you can always keep in touch with your partner through texting, chatting, and video calling, and keep your relationship going on strongly.

Of course, there’s a downside to this modern technology too. In your quest of keeping in touch with your partner, you may end up over-texting, over-calling your partner, leaving all your work and assignments, and goals aside, and then all this may lead to some serious relationship issues. This is what I’ve learned in my own relationship with the girl I love during the recent pandemic. Fortunately, with the guidance from God and our Savior Lord and the angels, my girl and I started to base our relationship on some fundamentals.

It’s always better to focus on your individual life and let your partner focus on her/his even when you are together in a relationship. But always make sure to schedule a meeting to see each other from time to time, if you are not married yet or if you are still staying apart in different places. Always be there for each other whenever you must.

Obviously, the highest point, the apex of any relationship between a guy and a girl/woman is marriage. 

Whether your relationship is in the starting phase or the middle, or it’s already culminated into a marriage, the fundamentals on which the relationship is based will always keep your relationship strong. So now, you must be thinking, what are these fundamentals anyway? 

Well, I call them ‘9 Pillars Of A Healthy Romantic Relationship’. So, here are those 9 pillars of a healthy romantic relationship. And please note, no matter what order each of them appears down below, each carries an equal proportion in terms of its importance in a healthy romantic relationship:

1. Love.

Of course, most important of all, there has to be love between you and your partner. Without love, there can never be any romantic relationship in the first place.

Love should be expressed in words, to begin with. If you’ve already expressed the feelings of romantic love to the person you feel this deep attraction and affection for, and that special person has also reciprocated and accepted your love, then you are officially a couple in a romantic relationship.

Now, this romantic love doesn’t directly mean only being physical or having sex with your partner. Of course, sex is an essential part of it, but only an essential part of it, not the whole love thing. Once you’ve expressed your love to each other, and you and your partner are now in a relationship with each other, let’s look into some other vital pillars this romantic love heavily hinges upon.

2. Trust.

The most important thing that real love is heavily based on, is trust. What is this trust? Trust is simply believing in one another even when you and your partner are miles apart, and you cannot see one another for some reason or other, neither every day nor weekly, not even for months.

The trust is knowing in your heart that my girl/woman or my guy is a true lover, and he/she will never betray me over any other woman or guy. When you have this belief in your partner and your partner has it in you, it’s called trust.

Trust is how you see your partner is, in love. The trust for your partner has to come to you naturally. You love each other only because you see that uniqueness in each other which is only for you two. It’s like you know in your heart that you and your partner are made for each other, and that’s why you are in love with each other in the first place. So, it shouldn’t be hard for you to trust each other.

Now, this trust is how you see your partner for you in love, it’s your belief in your partner. So, this leads me to the third pillar of a healthy romantic relationship.

3. Loyalty.

Trust is how you see your partner for you in love, loyalty is how you see yourself for your love partner in love. Let me explain it to you. In trust, you simply and naturally believe in your partner because you love him/her. Loyalty is about upholding that trust your partner has in you.

If you are a girl/woman surrounded by other guys, and if you are a guy surrounded by other girls/women, you should know that you can fall for such temptation at any time. And if you do fall for that temptation, then obviously your love was never real for your partner, and by doing it, you’ve betrayed his/her trust and love for you.

So, this loyalty is about upholding that trust, no matter how tempting your surroundings are, and it’s only possible when you know that your love for your partner is real and your partner feels the same about you. It’s not just a physical attraction, but also an emotional connection of hearts. So, this loyalty is about staying true to the love and trust you have for your partner and your partner has for you.

4. Honesty. 

You cannot hide things from the person you love and want to spend the rest of your life with. So, there has to be honesty in real love. Honesty is about being open to one another about everything including your past, your health concerns, your family concerns, and your financial and social status.

In short, you shouldn’t hide anything from your partner, even if it’s the smallest of the small things or the biggest of the big things in your life as an individual. And after always being honest to each other, if you two are still together and want to be with each other, then this is definitely a true form of love.

So, always be honest with one another. Never hide a single thing from each other before marriage or even after marrying each other and starting to live together.

5. Commitment.

The commitment is staying true to yourself, another form of loyalty and trust. If you promise to meet or be there for your partner, make sure you always keep that promise. Sometimes you get caught up at work or sometimes you are genuinely not well or someone in the family is not well, so you can’t make it. Always explain it to your partner whatever your genuine situation is, and then make up for it by rescheduling and then make sure to keep that meeting.

Don’t keep postponing without any valid reason, it will send a wrong signal to your partner. Whatever it is, always talk to each other. The same is applicable even after you get married to each other. Always keep your promises or at least make honest attempts to keep them. And if you can’t, always talk and tell that to your partner even before she or he asks for an explanation. That’s called commitment in a relationship. Now, this leads me to the sixth pillar of a healthy romantic relationship.

6. Communication.

Communication means talking to your partner openly about every situation you are in, whether it is your personal or professional, or individual family situation.

Communication is always a two-way street, it’s never a one-way street. If something is not going well between the two of you for some reason or other, then the only way to resolve it or overcome that lacking or misunderstanding is by communicating with each other like sage adults.

Sometimes, you may have to do a lot of listening when your partner is trying to raise points or concerns about your relationship’s current state. Listen to him/her carefully and then respond in a way you truly feel about it, offering a two-way solution if anything is lacking, a solution with which you and your partner can make your bond stronger.

Never let anger overtake your emotions. Always be in the possession of your faculties whenever you and your partner are trying to resolve a misunderstanding or stress in your relationship.

If you need time and space, ask your partner for it politely. And if your partner really cares for you, he or she will give you your time and space. But, it doesn’t mean you have to completely cease all the channels of communication, and you take weeks or months away from your partner. Always keep in touch with each other even when you don’t feel that intensity for one another. If you need more time, ask or inform your partner about it. Communication is the only key to resolving all the differences and misunderstandings in any relationship, especially the romantic one.

7. Understanding.

Understanding is in a way a part of communication. Understanding one another comes from careful communication. When you talk to your partner and your partner is also willing to listen to you, that’s when the misunderstandings get obliterated and the understanding begins to develop and deepen with time between the lovers.

And once there is a deep understanding between you and your partner, you sometimes don’t even have to give any explanation if there is anything that is bothering you in your relationship, your partner can understand it even without you having to say it. That’s called a better understanding in a relationship.

8. Intimacy.

Now, to have a real deep understanding, you need to spend time with your partner from time to time, no matter how busy you are in your life as an individual.

Intimacy is not just sex, but it is also being close to one another, holding hands, hugging, kissing, and talking by looking into each other’s eyes. All these things make the bond of love strong. It makes you want to be with each other. And that’s why you and your partner must spend some quality time together away from all of life’s troubles. This quality time maybe just you and your partner watching movies, listening to music, dancing, and as mentioned earlier hugging, kissing, and cuddling, and sometimes if both of you are in a good mood, having sex with each other because sex is the ultimate way for lovers to express the intensity of their love for one another.

Spending time together in a romantic relationship is important before marriage and also after you get married to each other, and even after you have children together.

The idea here is to feel happiness in each other’s company and bring joy to one another. This feeling of love for your partner and being loved by your partner in the same way you love her/him is second to none. That’s what love is eventually all about, bringing joy to each other and supporting and being there for each other in good times as well as in bad ones.

9. Respect.

Always respect one another for who you are and where you come from in terms of your family and social background. Respect each other’s family and religious values too. At the same time, never lose your self-respect. Respect for your partner and self-respect go hand in hand.

Please never confuse self-respect with ego. Sometimes, there comes a time in a relationship when your partner may act adamant or irrational, not intentionally but out of some inexplicable belief or situation. So, then the onus is on you to make your partner realize how she or he is not on the right side at that moment. It doesn’t mean going into proving that you are right and your partner is wrong. It’s about thinking rationally together and then reaching a rational conclusion.

And if you are on the wrong side, be brave enough to accept your wrong or bad actions or attitude toward your partner and ask for forgiveness. And if your partner ends up being on the wrong side, be kind enough to forgive him/her without holding any grudges. In such a scenario, the tone of your voice, and the choice of your words matter a lot. Your words should be wise and they should make sense and the tone of your voice should always be soft and caring.

And when you do this, it doesn’t mean that you are weak and your partner is strong. Hey, this is not war, this is love that we’re talking about here. So, even if your partner is not willing to be rational with you for some reason, you don’t end up hurting him or her. This and all of the previously stated pillars will come to your help whenever there is trouble or concern in your relationship.

Now, you must be thinking, “Oh God! Satish, being in a romantic relationship is such a daunting task!” Yeah, in a way, it is. Every relationship goes through its ups and downs and has its roadblocks from time to time, but when your relationship is based on the above-mentioned 9 pillars, this daunting task can become a pleasurable, meaningful, love-filled journey where you will be able to walk with your partner holding each other’s hands tight and with your heads held high. Now, doesn’t this make you soulmates? The answer to this question? Well, I leave it up to you and your partner to seek.

Finally, I’d like to conclude this article with a quote by one of my favorite writers, Paulo Coelho, “Life is short. Kiss slowly, laugh insanely, love truly, and forgive quickly.”

May the Angels of Love always keep you and your partner together from here to eternity. 

Keep loving each other….

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