It hurts; I know it hurts more than one can put into words, and nobody really likes that, but sometimes, it’s what is best for you.
A breakup, a divorce (for married relationships), or a separation, whatever you term it, is the sad ending to a relationship that once had a beautiful beginning.
Any romantic relationship begins at the sweet train station of attraction, starts running on the track of love and affection, and finally reaches its destination of marriage or commitment. And if this track of love is not sustained and fortified through understanding, love, trust, and loyalty as the relationship deepens with time, it is bound to reach its breaking point and eventually tumble down.
And then, that sweet train of love gets derailed, leaving both passengers in it badly hurt.
So, if the train of your relationship is about to be derailed, and you’re trying everything to fix the track of your relationship, please check out my article, 9 Pillars of A Healthy Romantic Relationship, where I believe you’ll find some tools to repair and fix your dilapidated relationship.
If it’s not too late for you, give it one last shot and try to save the train of your relationship from getting derailed, even if there is little scope for its survival.
And if the train of your relationship has already been derailed, and you’ve been hurt very badly, and don’t know how to find a cure for your wounded heart, continue reading this article. And I hope you’ll get some healing perspective here to get over your breakup sorrow.
Any romantic relationship is a two-way deal, but when it becomes only a one-way deal, it’s heading for an inevitable disaster.
And now, if you’ve already been through that disaster and struggling to put together broken pieces of your heart, here are some Dos and Don’ts you should consider before you lose all those broken pieces of your heart and eventually end up drowning in the ocean of post-breakup sorrow:
1. Breathe in and out slowly.
It’s not the end of the world.
What’s done is done; there’s no use crying over the spilled milk. I’m sure you must’ve tried hard to keep it together, we all do, but we just cannot stop some things from happening, and this is one of those.
So now, there’s no use causing yourself more pain by thinking, “Why did it happen? It shouldn’t have happened. I wish I could’ve done this or that!”
You cannot make anyone love you because you want to be with them. If you’ve already tried everything to salvage your relationship, but your partner has already made up his/her mind to go separate ways, I know it’s hard, but you must also let him/her go.
Express your heartfelt apologies if there’s something you think you did wrong intentionally or unintentionally that hurt and caused him/her to make this decision. Put an end to it gracefully and amicably.
And if your partner was on the wrong side but never realized it or apologized to you, instead took you for granted, just forgive him/her and move on without a grudge. When you don’t hold a grudge against anyone, you will be at peace and feel powerful.
And if you were the one who had to make this decision for any reason, such as a lethal misunderstanding (you must sit, talk, and listen to each other calmly to resolve it if you still can) between you two, cheating, or unfaithfulness from your partner, then know that your partner never deserved your love. So, it’s time to wipe your past clean and get your life together for a brand-new start.
Life is very precious, and you should never waste it because some person you gave your everything to didn’t value your love.
2. Don’t hurt yourself.
When the breakup happens, most of us think that it is the end of the world for us, because we are so used to that one person. And now that person is no longer in our life, we just don’t know how to get on with life without that person.
And I’ve seen many instances in my neighborhood where guys and girls have given up their lives or made attempts to take their lives over breakups with their partners, and such incidents always break my heart.
Tell me where the sense is in giving up your precious life for that one person knowing that there are still so many other people in your life who genuinely care about you, such as your parents, sisters, brothers, and friends. Does their love have no worth in your life?
And how about this – if the person you had a breakup with is now living his/her new life happily without you? However, you, on the other hand, are drowning yourself in depression. Where is the sense in all this?
So, never even think of giving up on your life for that one person who is not with you and doesn’t want to be with you anymore.
Please read my article, How to Save A Life, where I share a real-life story of a boy who lived next door and had taken his life, presumably after a breakup with some girl he was in love with. That article will certainly give you some positive perspective on life’s preciousness if you are contemplating something serious like that.
3. Stop keeping hope and move on.
Stop spending your time hoping that she/he will come back to you sooner or later. If you continue to keep this hope and that person has already moved on in his/her life, you’ll be causing yourself more pain.
So, the best course of action here is to lay that hope to rest and start cultivating a new hope for your better life as an individual.
4. Delete all the pictures, videos, messages, and physical memories you have of that person.
First and foremost, you must try to dissolve those memories of your Ex. So, delete all the pictures, videos, and messages you have of that person on your phone, social networking accounts, and also in your house. Also, trash the person’s gifts and souvenirs.
Avoid revisiting the places such as restaurants and cafes you visited with your Ex when you were in a relationship. Also, avoid watching movies you watched with your Ex. Avoid listening to songs you listened to with your Ex.
What’s the point of holding on to those things related to that person who doesn’t have any place for you in his/her heart anymore?
Keeping all those memories will only make you feel depressed. I know it’s hard, but please go ahead and get rid of all such memories right away.
5. Don’t spend time thinking about retribution.
In a situation like this, it’s natural to think about seeking some kind of revenge on your Ex, especially if you had given your everything in that relationship but your Ex always took it for granted and eventually abandoned you.
The more you think of retribution, the more that thought will eat away at your life. So, don’t go posting hateful messages on your social accounts trying to slander your Ex’s name or expose him/her in front of the world.
The world will only make fun of your failed relationship, and it’s not worth wasting your time and energy slandering someone’s name, instead, get your act together and learn to be strong and live alone.
When you learn to be strong alone, you’ll feel powerful. And if that Ex of yours sees or hears about you and how great you are doing in your life, even without him/her, he/she will either start respecting you or get jealous of you (if your Ex was a jealous kind of a person).
But always remember this — you becoming strong and starting to live strong alone is only for your own good, not to show it off to anyone, not even your Ex.
The best revenge we can take on those who think we are nothing without them is by proving them wrong, getting back up, and starting to live our lives with our heads held high. Even when we don’t have anyone by our side, we always have ourselves, don’t we?
I’m trying to uplift your spirits here. Come on, do you feel that now? I hope you do. So, read on.
6. Lay low for some time.
Avoid social media engagements. I understand if you’ve spent a great deal of time with someone, you get used to that person, and suddenly if you don’t see or hear from that person anymore, you become agitated.
And nowadays, we have Facebook, Instagram, and whatnot where we come across the profiles and media posts of so many people, and sometimes some of those are whom we never want to deal with anymore, and it could be your Ex.
If you see your Ex’s pictures with some other guy or gal, it may cause you more hurt or make you feel jealous if you still hold feelings for him/her. So, it’s essential that you lay low for some time.
If possible, delete all those social networking apps from your phone and keep them deleted for some time until you get your mental strength back where nobody or nothing can bother you anymore.
7. Start exercising.
Now that you’re getting mentally stronger, it’s also time to get physically strong because breakups often drain you mentally and also physically.
So, to get your physical strength back, start working out either at the gym or at home. If you can’t work out, go for a walk or run daily.
Once you stay physically active, you’ll also start sleeping better. And all this will contribute furthermore to your mental strength. So, find ways to keep physically active and stay healthy.
8. Stay groomed.
Once you feel all your mental and physical strength coming back to you, start taking time to groom yourself.
Take showers or baths daily, and keep yourself clean daily. Do your hair and makeup and all.
Buy yourself new, trendy clothes and shoes. Look good daily, look at yourself in the mirror, admire, and smile at yourself.
9. Spend time on your work.
Invest most of your time in your work. This will help you increase your productivity and make you feel confident. Also, it will keep all those thoughts about your Ex away from you. And with time, you’ll have all the strength where those thoughts won’t be able to bother you anymore.
10. Don’t give in to addiction.
Many people give into some form of addiction after the breakup and end up wrecking their own lives.
As I mentioned earlier, life is too precious to ruin it for that one person who didn’t even give you the love and respect you deserved. And if you give into any form of addiction, you will lose control over your life, and if your Ex is some evil-minded person who wished ill for your life would win that bet.
However, it’s not to prove your Ex-partner wrong or win against him/her, but it’s only for your own good that you need to have a strong grip on your life.
So, it’s a strict no-no to alcohol, drugs, and also to excess food consumption (a lot of people give into excess eating, where they consume a lot of sweets and junk food when they are depressed, but this only worsens their health).
11. Spend your free time with your family members and close friends.
Realize this — that one person who broke up with you was not the only person in the world who loved and cared for you. There may be many others in your life who always wish you well — your parents, siblings, or close friends, so it’s time you also realize their love for you.
Spend your free time talking to your close friends and family members. Ask them how they are and if they need your help with anything, and be with them and help them.
Go to the movies and travel places with them.
Spending time with your people will help you feel strong because it will keep your loneliness and sadness away.
12. Pick up a new interest and develop skills to turn that interest into your passion.
I believe one is never too old to learn something new in life. So, pick up some new interests, such as learning to play guitar or any musical instrument you find interesting, going trekking or traveling, YouTubing about your life experiences, or anything you find a natural inclination toward that can help and inspire others.
You can also start learning some courses online to advance in your vocation. Dedicate your time to hone the skills needed to produce the best work out of that interest and turn it into your new passion or love. This will make your life tolerable in any stressful situation.
13. Define/Redefine your life’s ultimate goal or purpose.
If you don’t have a strong purpose or goal for your life, it’s the right time to define one and dedicate yourself to it with your whole heart, mind, and soul. You can turn your passion into that ultimate goal or purpose.
If you already had that ultimate goal or purpose for your life but got lost along the way, it’s time to redefine it and learn all that is necessary to accomplish that goal or purpose.
Once you accomplish that purpose or goal, define another one and dedicate yourself to that one also until you accomplish that one too. Keep going and keep busy with your life to live it better.
14. Don’t give up on your feelings.
Just because one person didn’t value your feelings, it doesn’t mean no other person in the world will ever understand and value them again.
As humans, we are social animals, and we always feel the need to be with someone who can understand and care for us; not everyone can live a life of a monk or a nun.
So, don’t just bury your feelings of love. Keep your heart open for another relationship, and who knows you may find that person whom you can spend the rest of your life with.
You just had a heartbreak, so take all the time you need to let your heart heal. And once your heart is healed, let it go in search of that true love again, but this time more wisely than before.
15. Learn from your past relationship errors.
If there was anything that you fell short on in your past relationship, identify that and start bringing that improvement to you.
If it was some addiction that ruined your relationship, seek help for that.
If it was your anger or some other behavioral issue, learn to improve your behavior gradually. Identify your weaknesses and work on them to turn them into your strengths over time.
As humans, we cannot be perfect; however, with the awareness of our imperfections, we can become better persons, and all this will definitely help us in all our relationships, not just in the romantic ones.
So, learn from the errors you made in your past relationship, and make sure you don’t repeat them in your new relationship if you end up falling in love with someone again or someone falls in love with you again.
When you become a better version of yourself, you’ll be in love with yourself. And when you are in love with yourself, you’ll learn to love others too, and they will also respect and love you for who and how you are and for the care you show for them.
So, keep learning and improving your life each day.
16. Don’t try to chase and convince.
Often after a breakup, you become so desperate that you want to do everything to convince your partner not to leave you.
If your partner blocks you on his/her phone, you try his/her social networking accounts to establish contact.
If he/she blocks you on his/her social accounts, you go to see him/her at his/her place. And if she/he banishes you from there, you begin to stalk him/her. By doing all this, you’re only wasting your time and dropping your self-worth.
So, never convince or beg anyone to stay with you and love you. Instead, if you want to make your Ex-partner understand you one last time, make your case calmly and rationally and walk away without any rage, arguments, or a grudge.
Steer clear of your Ex and never bother that person again. Stand up for yourself and make your own life your top priority, not his/hers.
If there’s any hope that can make your Ex-partner change his/her mind about breaking up with you, then that is in you steering clear of him/her and starting to live your life alone with full positivity and excitement.
When your Ex-partner finds out that you are better off even without him/her, he/she will naturally get envious of you and even start respecting you if she/he didn’t respect you before and may also decide to come back to you. And then, whether to be in a relationship with him/her again or not, it’s a decision you will have to have to make.
If your Ex-partner was a toxic mentality and never appreciated your love and efforts to make him/her happy, then my friend, it’s best to cut off such a person from your life once and for all.
So, remember this — you improve the standard of your thoughts and life only because you want to live your best life and to the fullest, not to get someone back who walked out on you.
Of course, if your Ex-partner has also improved as a person and now shows genuine understanding and respect for you, which he/she didn’t have before, then you can consider giving him/her another chance at your heart and feelings. But remember, the priority of your life always has to be you and only you.
Love your partner — your girlfriend, your wife, or your spouse with all your heart and soul, but never let anyone take your love for granted, and never allow anyone to do anything that can destroy you mentally and emotionally.
When you’re going through the pain and heartbreak caused by the breakup in a relationship, no matter what the world tries to tell you or rationalize with you to help you deal with that pain, you still feel like it’s the end of the world for you and nobody else or nothing in the world can heal your pain, but only that one person can whom your heart still aches for, despite being broken by him/her.
So, I understand that breakups can be very tough to deal with, but with the ways I proposed in this article, I’m certain that you will become stronger and better, and you will get on with your life.
And once you are healed through time and your efforts and you better your life, you’ll look back and smile or even laugh at yourself, remembering how crazily sad you had become for that one particular person who had once broken your heart, but now, none of it really matters.
“How silly I was!”, you’ll say to yourself with a smile. Mark my words and don’t forget to remember and thank me then.
Finally, I pray for the healing of your heart — May your broken heart find strength again, and may it continue beating its rhythm more peacefully and joyfully than ever before for the rest of your life.
Your healing begins now.